EXCUSES…EXCUSES…AND MORE EXCUSES

NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR HAIR LOSS:
Maggi Mee.
NATIONAL EXCUSE FOR BEING LATE:
Traffic Jam.
NATIONAL CONDOM:
None. Most Malaysians still feel embarrassed buying condoms.So they rush into a 7-11, hurriedly grab the nearest pack,any pack, pay and leave before the cashier can even blink an eye.
NATIONAL FRUIT FOR INDUCING MENSTRUATION:
Pineapple.
NATIONAL APHRODISIAC DRINK:
Stout. Many swear by it.But after a few pints they startswearing at everything…
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (MEN):
Food Poisoning.
NATIONAL FAKE ILLNESS FOR GETTING MC (WOMEN):
Menstrual Pain
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY WOMEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
Headache, kids not asleep, maid not asleep, mother-in-law around, earlyappointment, period, haven’t removed make-up, haven’t had a shower, nowatersupply, going to watch ‘Desperate Housewives’, depressed, no mood, etc…
NATIONAL EXCUSES GIVEN BY MEN WHEN REFUSING SEX:
None. Malaysian men never refuse sex. (oh ya??)
NATIONAL CURE FOR HEADACHES:
Panadol. The ‘cure for all’. If it fails we have another secret weapon;Tiger Balm.
NATIONAL CURE FOR DIZZINESS:
Minyak Angin Cap Kapak.
NATIONAL CAUSE OF DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
Happy Hours.
NATIONAL INSTANT CURE FOR DIZZINESS (FOR YUPPIES):
The sight of a police roadblock.
NATIONAL RUBBISH DUMP:
Anywhere. As long as it is not your house.
NATIONAL MOST MIS-PRONOUNCED NAME:
Carrefour. Sometimes even pronounced as Carry 4!On second thought, why bother pronouncing stupid French brands likePeugeot, Renault or Citroen correctly. I think it sounds better,when thelocal mechanics say ‘Pew Jeot’. When I was in school, Milo was always’MeeLo’, now that I’m sophisticated, I say ‘My Lo’. So don’t beembarrassed saying ‘Carry 4’ when the ! Mat Sallehs shamelessly pronounceorang utan as ‘rangootan’.
NATIONAL ROADSIDE DISTRACTION:
The Bra-less Tourist. See how heads turn and traffic slows down when abra-less Mat Salleh backpacker goes ‘bouncing’ about on the streets.

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