Vampire Jokes

Q: What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
A: Count DuckulaQ: What does a vampire fear most?
A: Tooth decay

Q: Where did the vampire open his savings account?
A: At a blood bank

Q: What does a baby bat say before going to bed?
A: Turn on the dark. I’m afraid of the light!

Q: How do vampires get around on Halloween night?
A: By blood vessels.

Q: What’s the part of a restaurant where vampires don’t suck blood?
A: The non-Suckers section.

Q: What kind of ship does Dracula own
A: Blood vessel.

Q: Why doesn’t anyone like Count Dracula?
A: He’s a pain

in the neck.Q: What do you call Count Dracula’s cookout?
A: Vampire camfire.

Q: What does Dracula say when introduced to someone?
A: “Hello, pleased to eat you!”

Q: How do vampires drive around?
A: In their bloodmobiles.

Q: Why did Dracula go to jail?
A: Because he robbed the blood bank.

Q: What’s a vampire’s favorite feast?
A: Fangsgiving Day dinner.

Q: Why did the vampire’s lunch give him heartburn?
A: It was a stake sandwich.

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A: A blood hound.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why does Dracula consider himself a good artist?
A: Because he likes to draw blood!

Q: Whom did Dracula take out on a date?
A: His ghoul friend!

Q: What is the best way to talk to Count DraculA:
A: Long distance.

Q: Which building does Dracula visit in New York?
A: The Vampire State Building.

Q: Who is a vampire likey to fall in love with?
A: The girl necks door.

Q: What’s it like to be kissed by a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: How does a girl vampire flirt?
A: She bats her eyes.

Q: Was Dracula ever married?
A: No he’s a bat-chelor.

Q: Where does Dracula keep his valuables?
A: In a blood bank.

Q: What did the kid vampire say to his mommy at bedtime?
A: “Mommy, turn off the switch. I’m afraid of the light!”

Q: What is worst than a hungry vampire?
A: A thirsty vampire.

Q: What do you give a vampire with a cold?
A: Coffin Drops!

Q: What does a weight-conscious vampire drink?
A: Blood Light.

Q: What is the favorite test that vampires love to take?
A: A blood test.

Q: What did the teacher say to Dracula after he failed his math test?
A: Can’t you count Dracula!

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
A: A neck-tarine.

Q: Why didn’t Dracula get married?
A: He never met a nice Ghoul!

Q: What is Count Dracula’s favourite snack?
A: .A fangfurter !

Q: What is red, sweet and bites people ?
A: A jampire !

Q: What do you call a dog owned by Dracula ?
A: A blood hound !

Q: What happened to the mad vampire ?
A: He went a little batty !

Q: What do vampires have at eleven o’clock every day ?
A: A coffin break !

Q: How does a vampire like his food served ?
A: In bite sized pieces !

Q: Where do vampires go on holiday ?
A: The Isle of Fright !

Q: Why did the vampire take up acting ?
A: It was in his blood !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite drink ?
A: A bloody mary !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The fangdango !

Q: Which vampire tried to eat James Bond ?
A: Ghouldfinger !

Q: What do vampires think of blood transfusions ?
A: Newfangled rubbish !

Q: What happened at the vampires race ?
A: It finished neck and neck !

Q: What happened at the vampires reunion ?
A: All the blood relations went !

Q: What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve ?
A: “Auld Fang Syne” !

Q: What is the American national day for vampires ?
A: Fangsgiving day !

Q: If you want to know more about Dracula what do you have to do ?
A: Join his fang club !

Q: Why are vampire families so close ?
A: Because blood is thicker than water !

Q: Why do vampires like school dinners?
A: Because they know they won’t get stake !

Q: How do you join the Dracula fan club ?
A: Send your name, address and blood group !

Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite coffee ?
A: Decoffinated !

Q: What does a vampire bath in ?
A: A bat tub !

Q: What kind of medicine does Dracula take for a cold ?
A: Coffin medicine !

Q: What does the postman deliver to vampires ?
A: Fang mail !

Q: What’s Dracula’s favourite soup ?
A: Scream of tomato !

Q: What does a vampire stand on after taking a shower ?
A: A bat mat !

Q: What’s a vampire’s favourite dance ?
A: The vaults !

Q: What do romantic vampires do ?
A: Neck !

Q: Why do vampires hate arguments ?
A: Because they make themselves cross !

Q: What does a vampire say to the mirror ?
A: Terror, terror on the wall… !

Q: What is a vampire’s favourite film character ?
A: Batman !

Q: Why do people hate being bitten by vampires ?
A: Because it’s a drain in the neck !

Q: If a snowman marries a vampire, what will they name their first
A: Frostbite

Q: Why are vampires like false teeth?
A: They all come out at night.

Q: Why does Dracula wear patent leather shoes?
A: Sandals don’t look good with his tuxedo.



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