Tag Archives: JOKE

Ten Commandments, Cowboy style.

(1) Just one God.

(2) Honor ye’r Ma & Pa.

(3) No telling tales or gossipin’.

(4) Git yourself to Sunday meeting.

(5) Put nothin’ before God.

(6) No foolin’ around with another fellow’s gal.

(7) No killin’.

(8) Watch yer mouth.

(9) Don’t take what ain’t yers.

(10) Don’t be hankerin’ for yer buddy’s stuff

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What Tree are You?

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Dec 23 to Jan 01 – Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 – Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 – Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 – Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 – Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 – Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 – Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 – Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 – Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) -Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 – Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 ! – Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 – Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 – Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 – Poplar Tree
May 15 to May 24 – Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 – Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 – Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 – Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) – Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 – Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 – Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 – Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 – Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 – Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 – Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 – Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 – Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) – Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 – Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 – Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 – Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 – Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 – Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 – Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 – Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 – Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) – Beech Tree


YOUR TREE
(in alphabetical order)

Apple Tree (Love) — quiet and shy at times, lots of charm, appeal, an
attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile, adventurous,
sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved, faithful and
tender partner, very generous, many talents, loves children, needs
affectionate partner.

Ash Tree (Ambition) — extremely attractive, vivacious, impulsive,
demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious, intelligent,
talented, likes to play with fate, can be very egotistic, reliable,
restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart, demands attention,
needs love and much emotional support.

Beech Tree (Creative) — has good taste, concerned about its looks,
materialistic, good organization of life and career, economical, good
leader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable, splendid lifetime
companion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).

Birch Tree (Inspiration) — vivacious, attractive, elegant, friendly,
unpretentious, modest, does not like anything in excess, abhors the
vulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not very passionate, full of
imagination, little ambition, creates a calm and content atmosphere.

Cedar Tree (Confidence) — of rare strength, knows how to adapt, likes
unexpected presents, of good health, not in the least shy, tends to look
down on others, self-confident, a great speaker, determined, often
impatient, likes to impress others, has many talents, industrious,
healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able to make quick
decisions

Chestnut Tree (Honesty) — of unusual stature, impressive,
well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, a planner, born
diplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of others feelings, hard
worker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understood at times, fiercely
family oriented, very loyal in love physically fit.

Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) — strong, muscular, adaptable, takes what
life has to give but doesn’t necessarily like it, strives to be content,
optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wants love and
affection, hates loneliness, passionate lover which cannot be satisfied,
faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly and careless, loves to
gain knowledge, needs to be needed.

Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) — pleasant shape, tasteful clothes, modest
demands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful, likes to lead but not
to obey, honest and faithful partner, likes making decisions for others,
noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor, practical.

Fig Tree (Sensibility) — very strong minded, a bit self-willed, honest,
loyal, independent, hates contradiction or arguments, hard worker when
wants to be, loves life and friends, enjoys children and animals, few
sexual relationships, great sense of humor, has artistic talent and
great intelligence.

Fir tree (Mysterious) — extraordinary taste, handles stress well, loves
anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care for those close to them,
hard to ust others, yet a social butterfly, likes idleness and laziness
after long demanding hours at work, rather modest, talented, unselfish,
many friends, very reliable.

Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) — charming, sense of humor, very
demanding but can also be very understanding, knows how to make a
lasting impression, active fighter for social causes and politics,
popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, a perfectionist, has a
precise sense of judgment and expects complete fairness.

Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) — of cool beauty, cares for its looks and
condition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life as comfortable as
possible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life, looks for kindness
and acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams of unusual lovers, is
seldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people, is never sure of
its decisions, very conscientious.

Lime Tree (Doubt) – intelligent, hard working, accepts what life dishes
out, but not before trying to change bad circumstances into good ones,
hates fighting and stress, enjoys getaway vacations, may appear tough,
but is actually soft and relenting, always willing to make sacrifices
for family and friends, has many talents but not always enough time to
use them, can become a complainer, great leadership qualities, is
jealous at times but extremely loyal.

Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) — no ordinary person, full of
imagination and originality, shy and reserved, ambitious, proud,
self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimes nervous, has many
complexities, good memory, learns easily, complicated love life, wants
to impress.

Oak Tree (Brave) — robust nature, courageous, strong, unrelenting,
independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps its feet on the
ground, person of action.

Olive Tree (Wisdom) — loves sun, warmth and kind feelings, reasonable,
balanced, avoids aggression and violence, tolerant, cheerful, calm,
well-developed sense of justice, sensitive, empathetic, free of
jealousy, loves to read and the company of sophisticated people.

Pine Tree (Peacemaker) — loves agreeable company, craves peace and
harmony, loves to help others, active imagination, likes to write
poetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion, friendly to all, falls
strongly in love but will leave if betrayed or lied to, emotionally
soft, low self esteem, needs affection and reassurance.

Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) — looks very decorative, talented, not very
self-confident, extremely courageous if necessary, needs goodwill and
pleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely, great animosity, great
artistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean toward philosophy,
reliable in any situation, takes partnership seriously.

Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) — full of charm, cheerful, gifted without
egoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion, unrest, and even
complications, is both dependent and independent, good taste, artistic,
passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.

Walnut Tree (Passion) — unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts,
often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions,
spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon
partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very
jealous and passionate, no compromise.

Weeping Willow (Melancholy) – likes to be stress free, loves family
life, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, very empathetic, loves
anything beautiful, musically inclined, loves to travel to exotic
places, restless, capricious, honest, can be influenced but is not easy
to live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, good intuition,
suffers in love until they find that one loyal, steadfast partner; loves
to make others laugh.

Love or Marriage!!!

love-or-marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant.
Marriage is a take home packet.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is a romantic drive.
Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac .

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

Tv has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.

Conclusion: “Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener

Hilarious Signs

Over a gynecologist’s office: “Dr. Jones, at your cervix.”

On a plumber’s truck: “We repair what your husband fixed.”

On the trucks of a local plumbing company in NE Pennsylvania: “Don’t sleep with a drip. Call your plumber.”

Pizza shop slogan: “7 days without pizza makes one weak.”

Outside a muffler shop: “No appointment necessary. We hear you coming.”

In a veterinarian’s waiting room: “Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”

Door of a plastic surgeon’s office: “We can help you pick your nose!”

On an electrician’s truck: “Let us remove your shorts.”

In a non-smoking area: “If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate action.”

On a maternity room door: “Push. Push. Push.”

At an optometrist’s office: “If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.”

In the front yard of a funeral home: “Drive carefully. We’ll wait.”

Learn Chinese In Five Miniutes

Feeling bored?  Moody?  Restless?… Come on here, I have something to make you laugh. Hopefully it does.

Learn Chinese In Five Miniutes….

That’s not right…
Sum Ting Wong

Are you harboring a fugitive?…
Hu Yu Hai Ding?

See me ASAP…
Kum Hia Nao

Stupid Man…
Dum Gai

Small Horse…
Tai Ni Po Ni

Did you go to the beach?…
Wai Yu So Tan?

I bumped into a coffee table…
Ai Bang Mai Ni

I think you need a face lift…
Chin Tu Fat

It’s very dark in here…
Wai So Dim?

I thought you were on a diet…
Wai Yu Mun Ching?

This is a tow away zone…
No Pah King

Our meeting is scheduled for next week…
Wai Yu Kum Nao?

Love vs Marriage

Love is holding hands in the street.
Marriage is holding arguments in the street.

Love is cuddling on a sofa.
Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa.

Love is talking about having children.
Marriage is talking about getting away from children.

Love is going to bed early.
Marriage is going to sleep early.

Love is losing your appetite.
Marriage is losing your figure.

Love is sweet nothing in the ear.
Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank.

TV has no place in love.
Marriage is a fight for remote control.

Love is 1 drink and 2 straws.
Marriage is “Don’t you think you’ve had enough!”.